


Goodbye

by Applefall



Series: Ficlets [3]
Category: Fall Out Boy
Genre: Goodbye Note, M/M, Suicide
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-10-11
Updated: 2014-10-11
Packaged: 2018-02-20 19:35:28
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 844
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2440397
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Applefall/pseuds/Applefall
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Patrick should have realized.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Goodbye

It's not until Patrick sees Pete's cold body on the floor of his living room that he realizes Pete was selfish enough to leave him on this fucking planet by himself. Well, not by himself, because Joe's voice is in his ear telling him to calm down and that he'll be there in two minutes even though he lives ten minutes away. And then in what seems like seconds Andy is holding him in his arms while Joe's phoning an ambulance but Patrick knows it's too late.

  
He knew as soon as he stepped in the door that it was too late. The atmosphere of the house was cold and unwelcoming. There was a sense of dread in the air, and Patrick was anxious as he called Pete's name. He got no reply from the normally loud man. So Patrick walked to the living room, and in an instant he was on his knees near Pete's body, the body that was so still and so cold already. His hand was still curled around the pill bottle, bright orange and staring up at Patrick. His eyes were closed, the dark brown orbs never to be seen again. "Oh god, oh god," Patrick vaguely remembers saying to himself, and grabbing Pete's body, cradling him.

He had held his head in his lap, brushing away the fringe that swept across the lifeless body. " _Pete._ _Pete please._ " Patrick had whispered before letting out a wail. In a fucking instant tears were streaming down his face, and he heaved sobs into the quiet house. Patrick remembers brushing his lips against cold dead ones, searching for warmth and finding none.

Now he's being fiercely hugged by Andy, who's sniffling, and Joe's hung up the phone and is softly shaking. Patrick's no longer crying, and he's as still as Pete's lifeless body.

 

 

Patrick speaks at the funeral that is held two weeks later. "Pete was my best friend," he begins before his voice cracks. He refuses to cry. He's not crying here. Patrick's had plenty of time to cry, and he has done so. Every night since Pete's suicide he's cried himself to sleep, eyes red and swollen every day. He bursts into tears randomly, like when he's putting a frozen pizza in the oven. Patrick cries and cries as he looks down at the pizza, Pete's favorite meal. When he's at his house, he spots a shirt that he borrowed from Pete days before his suicide. It still smells like Pete. "He may have been my best friend, but he was a selfish fuck for doing this to me, to us." Patrick goes on, bitterness invading his tone. He's tried so hard to not be bitter about this. He's fails as he thinks of Pete's smile, the one that makes his the area around his eyes crinkle, and each of his somewhat large teeth show. After that sentence, Joe's up there and leading him back to his seat.

He doesn't cry when Pete's casket is lowered into the ground. He doesn't cry as it's being covered. Patrick doesn't cry when Pete's mother hugs him either.

 

Patrick does cry when he finds a note under Pete's couch a week later. The note was slightly dusty, and Patrick thinks it must have fell underneath.

 

_Patrick,_

_I'm sorry. I'm sorry for doing this because I know you'll cry, and I'm sorry that I'm a selfish asshole. But I can't do this anymore. There is no reason for me to live. Sure, the band was great, and sure, you were the best thing that ever happened to me, but I can't stay in a place where I'm not wanted any longer. I know that I was an asshole to you. I know I teased you and made fun of you a lot, but I didn't really know how else to express my feelings towards you._

_I didn't like you at first. I thought you were weird, pale, and too quiet. And then I got to know you, and I realized, yeah, you are all those things. Except quiet, your a pretty loud shit. And then after we played our first show, I found out that you were the coolest person ever. I wanted to be your best friend. I wish I'd taken the opportunity to kiss you when I could. I remember one day after a concert when your stupid hair was sticking to your fucking skin and you were sweating and you just looked like the best thing alive. I didn't kiss you. I didn't want to mess up the greatest friendship I'd ever had._

_I fucking fell in love with you, but I don't think you ever noticed. But it was okay, because I kept hoping that one day you would. And maybe you did, but maybe you didn't. It doesn't really matter now, but I just want you to take this to your grave._

_\- Pete_

 

Patrick cries and cries, and his life eventually goes on, but he never forgets the note.

Somewhere along the way he realizes that he loved Pete.

 


End file.
